Bipolar

Sometimes I identify myself as a bipolar person.

I am fine and I am not fine at the same time.

No I am not diagnosed with anything in particular.

But sometimes, reading stuffs on the internet makes me feel like I am a sick person.

Too many mental diseases I am suffering from.

I'm sane. The above is metaphorical. Or is it?

I can't be sure of what I want. Who I am.

I only know who I was.

I miss him but I can't do anything about it.

Losing so many things changed me quite.

Sometimes I would like to think I am a different person, even in a bad way.

But I am the same shit I was years and years ago.

Only the good things about me are losing bit by bit.

The bad stuffs remains. Increasing, even.

Why?

I think I know why.

But I'm to scared to admit it.

Yet I feel the burden is gonna be lifted one day.

Maybe when I die, I can stop worrying.

So I will try to live as for now.

For I don't know when is the time I'll be free.

Will I be safe? Will I be saved? Will I ever be?

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Maybe It's Time To Try The History Textbook Trick

Can't sleep. Help, please.

Remember when we were in form five at middle school, oh form five? Malaysian detected. Might as well start using Malaysian English here every now and then.

Please, no.

But there was this one particular spell book, the ultimate book of sleep charm.

History textbook.

Reading that damn book one page and you (or more precisely, I) will start feeling drowsy.

Since summer, I slept after fajr prayer and now as fajr starts to be quite late and will be later, later I want to sleep at night again.

And it's not as easy as it sounds. I just can't.

Good for you, huh Nocturnal Rant blog? Good for you.

I think starting tomorrow I have to read some part of the ophthalmology book before sleep, to make the drowsy effect takes place so I can sleep early.

Good god, close my eyes and make me sleep.

Exam is next week. I have done quite some preparations. Apparently, quitting Dota isn't one. God save me, please.

Please.

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Silence In The Dark

Let him be,
knowing or not knowing,
please stay in the dark.

I'll keep him in the dark,
if I can,
but I won't be able to
forever.

Please keep him in the dark,
silence and not moving,
even when he knows where the light is,
my shadows,
and where my shadows fall.

Stay in the dark,
for you won't like me,
my true face is ugly,
but you can't see,
if you're in the dark.
and you can't tell,
if you're in the dark,
and you can't tell them,
if you're in the dark.

Stay,
forever,
in silence,
in the dark.

Please stay, for me.

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