Hello there.

This is a blog for me to rant on my sleepless nights.

I rant on random stuff.

If you like to read some long and even more absurd rants, go to

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Saturday, February 13, 2016

Not Forgotten Never

I always remember that I have this blog that is supposed to be updated with stuffs whenever I can't sleep at night.

I just didn't do nothing whenever I can't sleep.

Probably because I am too tired, or lazy.

Or busy.

Busy missing someone or something I cannot have.

I always have this kind of daydreaming of writing books of my own, but I never make the first move.

I can only imagine writing good stuffs to be made into books which in reality translated as,

"no you're writing shit and your writing is shit, too".

But it's good to have it in my mind. It can really help me kill time.

And myself, ironically.

Time is wasted not when it is gone while we're doing things we love, no?

I need to reevaluate love, I suppose.

I just seem to love, the wrong things. According to whom? I don't really know...

Monday, December 7, 2015

I'm Still Breathing, I'm Alive

Last updated September. WHAT??!!

Hahaha it's been a while, people.

It's winter now, night has been longer. As if God is giving extra sleeping hours to people here. Because he is going to take some during summer. Lol.

If there are stuff I have to talk about but I can't do it in the social media due to the need of you know, taking care of some hearts so as not to break them, maybe I should bring it here.

This blog retains the full English usage until now, which is a huge limiting factor for me to rant about things. It's quite good, to refrain me from going too far, I think.

Let's talk about being alive.

Since we all are. You haven't died yet, have you?

Being alive is beautiful to some, and dreadful to some others.

Since living itself needs to be maintained, some people just prefer death instead. This is very irrelevant even in this blog anyway.

Living requires us to be strong and that's fucking tiring.

Some of us wanna settle down, be as soft as jelly, or spread like water, drying away.

For the strong people, who persisted against shits and stuffs, they won't understand. They never will.

As if being weak is wrong. In fact, it is actually wrong. God made us all equally strong. Why would we wanna be weak?

It's not about giving up on life as it is. Like I said, it's tiring.

Since everything is made of shit nowadays, we might want to wash our hands and walk away from these shits.

But we can't. There's the problem.

In the world of expectations, too good for you, can't catch up, left behind, be alone, depressed and held back, feel incapable, hundreds of people way ahead above you, being stepped upon by those bastards up there, yada yada yada.

This is a loser's mentality, not coping with stress and finding a way to strive.

But believe me, this loser is there inside all of us. There is a tiny little spot in our hearts where we wish a peaceful life with nothing to worry about.

But our bodies are trapped in a prison made by us. A world where even humans go against each other. Heck, a person has to go against himself for fuck's sake.

As if we have no place here. You feel me?

I'm sure you do.

You took it out.
But I'm still breathing.
I'm still breathing.
I'm still breathing.
I'm still breathing.

I'm alive.

That's all we need.

I guess it is.

Please notice the Sia reference above.


Monday, September 28, 2015


Sometimes I identify myself as a bipolar person.

I am fine and I am not fine at the same time.

No I am not diagnosed with anything in particular.

But sometimes, reading stuffs on the internet makes me feel like I am a sick person.

Too many mental diseases I am suffering from.

I'm sane. The above is metaphorical. Or is it?

I can't be sure of what I want. Who I am.

I only know who I was.

I miss him but I can't do anything about it.

Losing so many things changed me quite.

Sometimes I would like to think I am a different person, even in a bad way.

But I am the same shit I was years and years ago.

Only the good things about me are losing bit by bit.

The bad stuffs remains. Increasing, even.


I think I know why.

But I'm to scared to admit it.

Yet I feel the burden is gonna be lifted one day.

Maybe when I die, I can stop worrying.

So I will try to live as for now.

For I don't know when is the time I'll be free.

Will I be safe? Will I be saved? Will I ever be?

Friday, September 4, 2015

Maybe It's Time To Try The History Textbook Trick

Can't sleep. Help, please.

Remember when we were in form five at middle school, oh form five? Malaysian detected. Might as well start using Malaysian English here every now and then.

Please, no.

But there was this one particular spell book, the ultimate book of sleep charm.

History textbook.

Reading that damn book one page and you (or more precisely, I) will start feeling drowsy.

Since summer, I slept after fajr prayer and now as fajr starts to be quite late and will be later, later I want to sleep at night again.

And it's not as easy as it sounds. I just can't.

Good for you, huh Nocturnal Rant blog? Good for you.

I think starting tomorrow I have to read some part of the ophthalmology book before sleep, to make the drowsy effect takes place so I can sleep early.

Good god, close my eyes and make me sleep.

Exam is next week. I have done quite some preparations. Apparently, quitting Dota isn't one. God save me, please.


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Silence In The Dark

Let him be,
knowing or not knowing,
please stay in the dark.

I'll keep him in the dark,
if I can,
but I won't be able to

Please keep him in the dark,
silence and not moving,
even when he knows where the light is,
my shadows,
and where my shadows fall.

Stay in the dark,
for you won't like me,
my true face is ugly,
but you can't see,
if you're in the dark.
and you can't tell,
if you're in the dark,
and you can't tell them,
if you're in the dark.

in silence,
in the dark.

Please stay, for me.